Category Archives: Be Present

Who is Your Guide?

Posted on by
Reply

Out of my three children, Coco is the one who is most like me. When I look at her, I see both the best and worst in myself glaring back at me, sometimes even slamming a door in my face. She knows how to push my buttons like no one else, and vice versa. We argue. We make up. Repeat. That’s why when I found this in her homework folder, I was gobsmacked.

  1. IMG_5547 Q: Who has served as your guide? A: My mom has teached (sic) me many things.
  2. Q: What did the person do to help you? A: She cooks for me, sets playdates for me and helps me grow up.
  3. Q: What did you learn from working with this person? A: How to take care of myself.
  4. Q: What did you learn in the process? A: I can do hard things.

Given how many times she has called me stupid (or worse) and told me she hates me, it warms me to the core that deep down, she does see good in her mama.

Her assignment made me think about how I would answer these questions. I am not going to lie, the first things I thought of were the very important life lessons I have learned through mistakes – both my own and those of others. But talking about how you’ve learned from others’ mistakes is just a way to paint yourself in a really ugly light.

I learn every day, for better or worse, from many people in my life. Here are some of the people who’ve served as my guides and some of the lessons that seem most important at this time in my life.

  • My husband, who has shown me the true meaning of patience. He is perhaps the greatest inspiration for my quest to be ever more present in my day to day life.
  • My children, who make me want to be a better person every day.
  • My father, who taught me through his early and untimely death the importance of living life to its fullest with no regrets.
  • My friends and family who’ve gone through cancer, who’ve taught me both to appreciate my health, and to view the world through a lens of positivity.
  • My “neighborhood family” who have taught me that it truly does take a village to raise our little people.
  • The Crab’s teacher, who taught me that my first outward response when my kids do something totally off the wall stupid should not be “What the frick were you thinking,” but instead the question, “Why did you do that?” The truth is, the kids most often have a completely logical reason that totally makes sense to them. As a bonus, these calm “why” conversations inevitably strengthen the bonds of trust and unconditional acceptance between us.
  • The many wonderful ladies (and their husbands) who have taught me the meaning of friendship, shown me that adult friendships are important, and that without a doubt, laughter is the best medicine!

There are more, no doubt. One thing these people all have in common is providing me with a daily reminder to be the best me that I can be. Right now that means putting aside all of the distractions (read: my lovie) to be present, and to appreciate all of the wonderful things in my life.

Who is your guide?

Every Day Counts

Posted on by
Reply

The first step is either not picking up my lovie, or just letting the battery run down. Unfortunately, the latter results in an ornery husband when he can’t get a hold of me. Instead, I started to pay attention to what I was doing when I went to grab my lovie. No surprises there… procrastination!

I have always been a procrastinator. In college, I’d burn the midnight oil, printing out a research paper 5 minutes before I ran to class. While climbing the corporate ladder, I always wrote press releases better and more efficiently on deadline. Truthfully, I even cram when it comes to going to the dentist. Sure, I brush twice a day, but I once had a dentist tell me that even dentists sometimes wait to floss regularly until right before their check up.

IMG_5502I started a list of all the things I am procrastinating on at the moment, because the only thing better than a list is crossing things off of it! It’s very full. Cluttered really, just like the pile of clean laundry on the couch that won’t put itself away, and the piles of shoes in the garage that make coming and going take an extra 10 minutes as the crumb-snatchers search for a match.

Off to Ikea we went to remedy some of these issues. But as I was searching through the sheets for the right size/color combo, the fire alarm started chirping, and loud. My initial feeling was panic as I thought of gathering my kids and fighting our way through the maze to the nearest exit. I did a quick scan of the aisle and saw the girls. Phew. I turn around, and that panic melted away into an entirely different feeling. There was Red, with face as bright as his hair, staring wide-eyed at the emergency exit, which he had just hit as he was dancing around with the cart not paying attention. The apple does not fall far from the tree.

Ikea employees descended upon us from all around. I apologized. He apologized, and I ushered my kids towards the checkout. Coco and Crab were a giggling chorus of “Can you hear that, Red?” as the alarm kept up for a good ten minutes. Pushing my initial feelings of annoyance aside, I patted his little head, leaned over and whispered, “It’s OK Red. But when do you think you’ll stop doing stuff like that?” His response with a shrug was, “I don’t know mama, maybe never.”

That’s when I saw this bit of wisdom screaming out at me from the cover a coffee table book:

IMG_5497

No truer words ever written. I pushed aside my initial reaction (best described as annoyance) and reacted to Red’s shenanigans with laughter and appreciation – his mischievousness, his surprise, his embarrassment, his ability to find humor in it all rolled into one adorable little package. It felt awesome to be in that moment. When we got home, he helped me build shelves to organize the shoes, and even make dinner. We chatted and laughed the whole time and the only reason I picked up my lovie was to take pictures.

Now, about that laundry…

My Lovie

Image

Reply

I am a cheater. No, don’t go there. I don’t mean that in the way you are thinking. It has nothing to do with sex, drugs, money, or any other moral deviation.

IMG_5493-1I am actually a loving wife and mother of three with a serious electronics problem. I can’t pinpoint its inception. I believe it came on sometime in between feeding my twins at 3am while watching the home shopping network, and all the hours spent held captive in the house by three potty training toddlers.

Back then, I yearned for a minute to myself, a connection with the outside world. Sometimes, those stolen seconds facebooking behind a locked bathroom door was enough to help me maintain my grasp on sanity. All I needed was a glimpse into the world to give me hope of happier times beyond the colic, the sick kids, bodily fluids and tantrums.

Fast forward 7 years, and despite having children who are now largely capable of taking care of themselves, my phone, dubbed long ago my “lovie” by my husband, has become like an appendage. I can’t watch a TV show without texting at the same time, or playing 2048, or scrolling through headlines, facebook updates, or any number of other mindless distractions. My attention span has diminished to about 30 seconds. And, all at once, I am telling my kids they can’t have screen time, while they yell back that I am always on my phone. Touche.

I was largely and blissfully unaware of this until I came across an article recently, “Cheating goes far beyond sexual Infidelity.”

The article described perfectly the affair with my lovie. Don’t get me wrong. I have a good marriage, great actually. My husband is truly my partner. He is a fantastic father, he works hard to support our family, and he supports me in whatever I want to do. If he were still sporting his Scout uniform, he’d have a million patches on marital success. He’s a good egg.

And my children, now 9 (Coco), 7 (Crab), and 7 (Red), are pretty fantastic as well. But each day slips by faster than the last. Before I know it, I’ll be sending three humans out into this world, and if they are anything like their mama, they won’t look back. My time with them is precious.

Enter this blog. It’s the dawn of a new year. I resolve to put down my lovie and be present. I resolve to notice the little moments. Not just to notice, but to appreciate and find humor in them.

Like this little gem from the Crab: Happy Welcome to 2015 day. I wish I had her way with words.